Politics

Farage clarifies what he thinks immigrants are

NIGEL Farage has confirmed his belief that immigrants are a type of small, crab-like creature.

All porn to be made by government

THE government is to regulate adult content by producing porn films and websites itself.

Salmond to seek independence for England

ALEX Salmond is to stand for Westminster to fight for English independence from Scotland.

UKIP to target marginal seats with no women

UKIP is to target seats where the electorate consists solely of men.

Clegg f**ked over on Christmas rota again

DEPUTY Prime Minister Nick Clegg has once again been given the Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day shifts on the Cabinet’s Christmas rota.

The Blair-Brown Christmas letters

"Thank you for the card. Your face looks strange. I do hope you’re not seriously ill."

Nothing ruled out including war, says Cameron

THE prime minister has promised he has ruled nothing out in negotiations with the EU, including a decade-long transcontinental war.

Actually we are a bit plebby, admit policemen

POLICEMEN have admitted they enjoy Typhoo tea, the comedian Jethro and Sweet & Spicy Pot Noodles.

Miliband reveals packed gaffe schedule

ED Miliband has revealed that he is struggling to keep up with his packed diary of PR blunders.

Scotland too much of a paradise to ever leave, confirm millionaires

SCOTLAND to tax its millionaires because they could never find anywhere nicer to live.