Politics

BRITONS will do whatever a Wetherspoon beer mat tells them to do, it has emerged.

BORIS Johnson has baffled scientists by cycling every day but never looking any different.

THE prime minister has admitted he is not looking forward to his next performance review after missing his migrant target by a quarter of a million.

A MAN who has never left his home town of Huddersfield is desperate for Britain to leave the EU, it has emerged.

THE prime minister’s wife responded to his gift of a used Nissan Micra by going mental at him, it has emerged.

A WOMAN cannot decide which way to vote in the EU referendum because she fancies Jude Law but loathes Keira Knightley.

STRIKING is the absolute best way to get any improvement to pay and working conditions, the health secretary has conceded. 

BRITISH citizens’ right to never be more than 1,000 metres from a branch of Greggs will be enshrined in law, the government confirmed yesterday.

DAVID Cameron and Donald Trump have learned mutual respect after being stranded together in a remote wilderness.

MANY Brexit supporters are confused by Boris Johnson’s negative comparison of the EU to Nazi Germany, it has emerged.