Politics

THE Labour party has pledged to renew its unbridled contempt for Scottish voters.

THE jogger who triggered David Cameron’s poison glands is being cared for at home by relatives.

THE government has announced tough new penalties for individuals using sarcasm online.

LABOUR leader Ed Miliband is still technically on work experience and has yet to receive a wage.

UKIP is attracting thousands of Labour voters who have rejected mainstream politics and rational thought.

VOTERS have got the feeling they have seen UKIP's first MP somewhere before.

THE Liberal Democrat conference has recreated the sleazy atmosphere of an old-fashioned adult movie cinema.

BRITAIN will accept diminished civil rights if it means less Russell Brand on the television, it has emerged.

IAIN Duncan Smith is tipped to win a bet on who can come up with the most idiotic idea at the Tory conference.

THE Conservatives are to reach out to Britain’s everyday bastard-in-the-street.