How to save money by dumping your partner now then getting back together on February 15

IF YOU’RE in a relationship, you had probably resigned yourself to a financial outlay of between £5 and £48.99 on cards, gifts and a possible meal at Bella Pasta.

The Brexiter's guide to why recessions are brilliant

WITH the economy contracting partly due to Brexit, it is vital for Brexiters to pretend this is a good thing Here diehard Leaver Roy Hobbs explains the many upsides.

How to write an article about something stupid if you're an attention seeking arsehole

HI, I'm an attention seeking arsehole and I'm here to tell you how to write an article about something that you don't understand that will get you the attention that you so greedily desire.

4 classic kids' films that could offend idiots

ARE you an idiot looking for a fun family film to ruin by claiming it is prejudiced? Then here are a few classics:

Five ways to completely misuse the phrase 'Dunkirk spirit'

WOULD you like to turn something you’ve totally fucked up into a victory by suggesting you’re just a plucky little underdog? Here’s how.

Will your social media posts get you fired today?

WE ALL love posting on social media, the data-collection system that has somehow convinced us it is for our benefit. But will your posts eventually cost you your job? Take our quiz:

Five anti-ageing tips for people who live in a fantasy world

DO you genuinely believe there’s a way to stop the forces of time and gravity turning you into a haggard, wrinkly old sack of organs?

What to do in a Brexit riot

AN EU report has warned that Britain could face civil unrest after Brexit. Here’s what to do if you get caught up in a Brexit riot.