Features

This year’s top five bullsh*t food trends

2020 will see chefs, restaurant owners and ‘foodies’ continue to boil everyone’s piss. Here are five predictions for the year’s most bullsh*t food trends.

How to go easy on people who wear hats

WINTER headgear makes most people look like a complete twat, so it can be hard not to make assumptions. Here's how to avoid snap-judgements:

Swiss roll and eight other hot new cultural trends for 2020

Style-based amputations: The increasingly tired beard/tattoo look becomes ‘neo-pirate’ with the addition of wooden legs and designer hand hooks.

The liberal elitists' guide to the brighter side of Brexit

BREXIT is now happening despite the fervent wishes of liberal elitists, but need it be so bad? Here’s how to look on the bright side:

How to ruin Christmas with forced fun

CHRISTMAS is a time of goodwill and frivolity. But it doesn’t have to be. Here’s how to ruin it with forced fun.

How should I vote if I'm too lazy to think for myself?

UNSURE how to vote because you're a lazy bastard who can't be bothered to think? Take our test and have your mind made up for you.

Why, as a lifelong Labour voter, it is your moral duty to vote Conservative

VOTED Labour your whole life? Then, according to the right-wing press, on Thursday you simply must vote Conservative. Here’s why:

How to be poor on £80,000 a year

ARE you in the top five per cent of the earning population but need to convince everyone you’re struggling to make ends meet?

How to get out of trouble, by Prince Andrew

HELLO. I’m a former trade envoy for the UK and keen golfer, though you may know me as Prince Andrew. But I’m also an expert at getting out of trouble. Try these tips:

Sorting hat or daemon, which childish way are you defining your personality?

PERSONALITIES are complex, or at least other people’s are. Have you defined yours via fantasy stories for children?

Could Jason Momoa sort out Brexit? Probably not but just look how handsome he is

JASON Momoa. Actor, Aquaman and all round hunk - but could he sort out the Brexit mess? Probably not, but he is very handsome...

Four Strictly specials Britain actually wants to see

MOVIE Week, Hallowe’en Week, Killing-Time-Until-Christmas Week... There’s no end to Strictly’s crapulent theme nights, as we stomp on through a series that’s a about a month too long and 10 contestants too big. So what sort of Strictly special would actually be special?