Alcohol

REFUSE collectors are tracking how many empty alcohol bottles you leave in your recycling each fortnight and judging you, they have confirmed.

A MAN has called the UK’s Chief Medical Officer after accidentally drinking six alcohol units in a day to beg for urgent help.

ANYONE wishing to get utterly shitfaced this weekend should not forget to put the clocks forward for beer o’clock, the government has advised.

A MAN foolishly asked his parents who rarely drink alcohol to buy a bottle of wine after forgetting they would fuck it up.

IF you drink too much it’s vital to convince yourself you just enjoy a harmless regular tipple. Here’s how to delude yourself.

DID you drink so much last night you feel like you’re going to drown in a black swamp of alcohol-induced guilt and shame? Here’s how to get through it.

EVERYONE knows drinking wine under 11 per cent is a waste of time. Here are five great wines to try, but if there’s a bottle of Calpol knocking around you should probably go for that instead.

TRY these handy methods of getting red wine stains out of your soft furnishings while simultaneously sobbing because you know they won’t work.

A MAN who has been off the booze since the early hours of 1st January is baffled as to why he is still overweight.

BRITAIN’S pubs will have a section of the bar reserved for people who know what they are doing this Christmas.