Alcohol

A SWIFT nip of cooking wine to test its quality doesn’t count as drinking, right? Here are some other ways to kid yourself you’re staying sober this month.

A HUNGOVER woman is weeping in the kitchen because a fridge door refuses to stay shut.

CHRISTMAS party? Anyone sensible will recommend getting so drunk that you black out early doors, but sometimes that just isn’t possible. How else can you survive it?

BARMAIDS have confirmed that repeatedly tapping your debit card on the counter is the best way to get their attention.

A NORTHERNER generously waived what he imagined would have been his change from £10 for a round in a Covent Garden pub.

JD WETHERSPOON pubs are to be preserved as a warning to future generations, it has emerged.

THE mother and father of a three-year-old boy have asked family and friends to buy him sparkling wine for his birthday.

A MAN has asked a barman in a London pub what they have that’s fairly priced, while presumably expecting the dead to rise and frogs to rain from the sky.

A PUB landlord has decided the best time to show new staff members the ropes is the busiest night of the week.

A MAN is fooling himself into believing a case of wine is enough to satisfy the thirst of two baby boomer grandparents visiting this weekend.