Alcohol

HAVE you started having alcohol-free nights for the sake of your health and waistline? Here’s how to make it through these grim evenings from Hell. 

A GROUP of lads are flying to Ibiza so late that they are lining up at the bar and sinking pints at a perfectly acceptable hour to do so.

BLOKE scientists have advised men to drink at least three extra pints of beer a day to avoid dehydration during the current hot weather.

THE landlords of a regional pub clearly aspire to run a trendy London gastropub but cannot quite get it right, regulars have agreed.

A MAN given a glass of white wine at 1pm has been left with no choice but to continue drinking until nightfall.

A WOMAN who spends all her spare time getting sh*tfaced with her mates is struggling to make it sound like a respectable extracurricular interest.

A WOMAN was shocked to find she actually enjoys the taste of a craft beer IPA, she has confirmed.

A MAN who woke up at 8am on Sunday in a garden littered with empty beer cans has claimed he just ‘enjoyed the lovely weather’.

THE UK has demanded that confirmation that Boris Johnson will be prime minister be delayed to around 1.30am on Saturday.

A 30-YEAR-OLD man totally messed up a pleasant evening in the pub by buying tequila slammers, it has emerged.