Society

ARE your feelings of anxiety and peril making you think it’s a good idea to text your ex? Don’t. This will pass and you’ll feel like a twat. Here are some more things not to do.

A MAN using social media to keep friends and relatives’ spirits up should just f**king stop, everyone has agreed.

BRITAIN has cast its mind back to the old times when the days of the week were individually named and distinct from one another.

THE UK has woken up to what the f**k happened? We were all still doing normal stuff two weeks ago? Holy shit.

WHILE the Italians lift each other’s spirits with opera, British people can only yowl along to Wonderwall with their neighbours. And these classics.

ARE you an older person determined to drive your children up the wall by misunderstanding every bit of coronavirus advice?

ANYONE who does not live in a detached house will be barred from shopping in Waitrose during the coronavirus crisis.

MASTURBATION levels are through the roof due to everyone being at home with too much time on their hands, it has been confirmed. 

THE UK’s cats do not know why their owners are suddenly home and getting all up in their faces during their quiet time.

AS the coronavirus crisis rolls on, it’s only a small step from panic-buying to full-on looting. Here’s how to prepare for a fun - and profitable - looting spree.