Society

MOST Britons cannot possibly have just one drink, researchers have confirmed.

A CAT is incandescent with rage after his finely-honed hunting instincts failed to detect a man walking up behind him.

AN idiot is moments away from placing a glass of red wine on her friend's carpet, it has been confirmed.

A MAN is sure his new relationship will be fine if he simply ignores his partner’s beliefs about reincarnation.

HAVING a big beard and an arm full of tattoos is no longer a sign that you would be handy in a fight.

A MAN who is staying with friends has found himself paralysed by indecision after using the lavatory in the middle of the night.

THE opening of a third bottle of wine is always the point at which everything goes horribly wrong, research has found.

COCKTAILS are nothing more than overpriced bullshit for idiots, cocktail bar staff have confirmed.

CHILDREN are a lot easier to look after than everyone makes out, according to an aunt who has completed a trouble-free 30 minutes.

MIDDLE class people have spent a ‘Day of Rage’ protesting about IKEA, supermarket tomatoes and the quality of their workplace coffee.