the dailymash

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Avocados, takeaway lattes and other things young people must buy to save the economy

BRITAIN is in a recession, so it’s up to young people who frittered their money like idiots a couple of years ago to kickstart the economy by purchasing these vital items.

I am the gammon Vorderman, Holly Valance confirms

AUSTRALIAN model and actress Holly Valance has confirmed she is the right-wing equivalent of Carol Vorderman.

Couple with massive Edwardian house claim being cold all the time is part of its 'character'

A COUPLE claim that having to wear a bobble hat indoors all day is a desirable feature of their draughty old house.

Six scandals which will need to be ITV dramas before the government gives a shit about them

TWO decades after the Post Office scandal began, the government has noticed it because it was on television. These dramas will get their respective scandals attention.

How to guiltily explain to your millennial friends that your parents are buying you a house

HAVE you spent years moaning about being part of ‘generation rent’ but now your parents are bunging you some cash for a house? Here’s how to explain it to your pissed-off friends.

A labradoodle instead of a donkey: The nativity if Mary and Joseph had been unbearably middle-class

IS it too much to ask for a nativity story that the financially comfortable can relate to? No. Let’s imagine the birth of Jesus if Mary and Joseph had arts degrees.

Six hair mistakes from history Gen Z refuse to learn from

THE mullet is a warning from history, but for all Gen Z’s supposed social awareness it is a warning they have failed to heed. They are doomed to repeat these mistakes.

Rural couple sell country cottage to live dream life of making shitloads of money in city

A COUPLE have given up their life in the country to pursue their dream of earning enormous salaries and living in a tiny property in London.