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Your astrological week ahead for April 27th, with Psychic Bob
High five. Up high. Down low. Too slow. You felt a pit open up in your stomach just reading that.
Deep Heat, Piriton, and other useless medicines only recommended by girlfriends
SUFFERING? Girlfriend implying it’s your own fault because you refuse to take the feeble medications she recommends? These are no different to homeopathy.
We ask you: are your children boozing enough?
ENGLAND has the highest rate of child alcohol consumption of all countries surveyed by the World Health Organisation, but are your children doing their part?
The Archbishop of Canterbury on... a shitty week for horses
WAKING up with a hangover, I realised the binmen had come to recycle my bottles, but it seems the sudden noise caused Household Cavalry horses to rear up and gallop frenziedly through the streets of Central London.
How to be a strong leader everybody loves: Sunak's guide for Yousaf
HUMZA, buddy, I’ve just seen the news. Bad luck, mate. Not everyone can be universally adored like me. Want to know how I do it? I’ll let you into a few secrets.
Girlfriends keen to break snuggling-sex connection
GIRLFRIENDS have once again confirmed their desire to snuggle is unrelated to any desire to be penetrated with a penis.
- Charlotte Church, and other celebs who stupidly didn't stay 12
- Humza Yousaf waiting for teachable spider moment
- When Laurence Fox cannot call you a paedophile without being bankrupted, freedom is dead
- Yellow by Coldplay, and other songs which justify taking money off a busker
- Swifties, and other fanbases that are certifiably f**king mental