the dailymash

Atheists unable to explain how evolution could make egg-laying bunny

ATHEISTS who reject religious doctrine have admitted nothing in their precious science can provide an explanation for the existence of the Easter Bunny.

We ask you: when should Rishi Sunak get his arse kicked at a general election?

THE prime minister has been accused of chickening out of calling a general election by Labour. When should he go to the country and lose?

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... the Tories' fish-and-chip bullshit

WAKING in John O’ Groats, after having aided my repose with several bottles of malt whisky, I reflect on the events that led me to isolation in the far North.

The second-last temptation of Christ was banoffee pie

JESUS has confirmed that his last temptation was to escape sacrifice, live as an ordinary man and raise a family, but the temptation previous to that was banoffee pie.

Children at state schools fling dung for a living. My nice children deserve better

IF your child attends a comprehensive school, you have given up on them. You have decided hosing shit off roads for a job is all they can aspire to. And I respect that.

Filling in forms correctly is woke, says Laurence Fox

Six knobheads that will never reply to your message

ARE you a grump for suspecting your message will be ignored as you press ‘send’? No, because you’re contacting one of these feckless bastards.

King lays groundwork for scabbing a tenner

THE King’s call for kindness is a pretext for asking everyone to lend him ten pounds, it has emerged.