the dailymash

Man so f**ked he can't remember anything about festival 'had amazing time'

A MAN who does not have a single coherent memory of a music festival he spent the weekend at firmly believes he had the time of his life.

Your astrological week ahead for May 23rd, with Psychic Bob

There's a man down Gandalf's chip shop swears he's Elvish.

A proper altar jilting, and other events you'd secretly love to see in real life

HIGH drama in other people’s lives is the best kind of drama, and nothing could be more delectable than to see these terrible, life-ruining, incredibly entertaining events in the flesh.

We ask you: who should be the next gammon Doctor Who?

DOCTOR Who is too woke, and needs to return to its roots of an old white man visiting inferior cultures and sneering at them. Who should take the role?

Kate names frigate HMS Glasgow by smashing a f**king bottle right in its f**king face

'My west-facing garden is in shade because there's a f**king ship in it': we answer your unexpected grounded container vessel gardening questions

GOOD morning. Today we’re hearing from Johan, who’s dealing with some unusual horticultural conditions because he’s woken up with a f**king ship in the garden.

The Archbishop of Canturbury on... the unexpected homosexuality of a Kylie Minogue audience

WAKING with a hangover that has caused my urine to turn violet, I reflect on an event I hosted this week in which delegates of the Church met leading humanists and atheists to find common ground.

War over Chagos Islands could have secured Starmer a second term

THE worst part of the Chagos Islands deal is that Starmer could have gone to war over them and secured a second term, it has emerged.