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Guru, wizard, rock star: six suffixes to your job title that make it clear you're a twat

TO stand out in the job market, why not impress on employers that you’re a first-class prick with your job title alone? Any of these should do it.

Your astrological week ahead for April 13th, with Psychic Bob

Ant and Dec aren't actually from Newcastle. They're putting it on. Ant is Jamaican, and Dec is mute.

Woman left with trust issues after taking chance on new takeaway

A WOMAN who decided to vary her Friday night routine by trying a new takeaway fears she will never learn to trust again.

We ask you: how should those bastards who ran the Post Office be punished?

POST Office bosses knew Horizon was crap all along and that it was screwing over innocent postmasters. We asked you how justice should be served to these bastards.

Masterchef viewers divided over Greg Wallace copulating with food

VIEWERS are divided over the latest series of Masterchef, in which judge Greg Wallace assesses dishes after having sexual intercourse with them.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... the NHS is trying to kill us, so we'd better pay shitloads to go private, am I right?

WAKING up with a hangover that feels like rhinoceri are vigorously mating within my cranium, I reflect on the events of the past couple of days.