the dailymash

St George honoured by coked-up hooligans fighting police

Sunak waits to see if Britain is that stupid

THE prime minister is eagerly awaiting opinion polls that will reveal whether Britain really is as cretinous as he hopes.

Man disappointed to find MILF not British after noticing continental plug sockets

A MAN is dismayed after identifying a European MILF mislabelled as British when he noticed the two-pin plug sockets above the kitchen counter she was lying on.

Nothing but the courts, the opposition, the cost and a general election can stop me now, laughs power-mad Sunak

THE prime minister, drunk on power, has proudly declared that nothing except several very real hurdles now stand in the way of the Rwanda bill.

Is it a coincidence that everyone suddenly finds the 'love of their life' when they’re 35, tired and desperate? 

PEOPLE suddenly finding the ‘love of their life’ when they are 35, exhausted and realise they cannot afford to buy a house may not just be a big coincidence, experts have confirmed.  

Donald Trump's guide to styling out a flatulence problem

IT’S claimed that Donald Trump’s long hours in the courtroom are causing him to emit a large amount of anal gas. Here he explains how to minimise the embarrassment in various situations.

This week in Mash History: Londoner discovers places other than London, 1699

MODERN Londoners understand, in theory, there are cities outside London. Some intrepid explorers even visit them and return with wild tales of affordable housing and pints.

Experts confirm best way to work through relationship problems is to ignore them

COUNSELLORS have advised couples suffering issues in their relationships that if they ignore them completely they eventually go away.