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UK Flood Defences 'Sabotaged By Ducks'
BRITAIN'S flood defences have been undermined by a decade long conspiracy involving some of the country's most influential ducks, the Daily Mash has learned.
Ditch Cameron For Oddball Fascist, Say Tory Rebels
SENIOR Tory MPs are calling for David Cameron to be replaced with another vote-losing weirdo from the party's extreme right wing.
Childline Tells Potter Fans To F*ck Off
CHILDLINE, the charity for abused children, will tell distraught Harry Potter fans, upset at the ending of the final book, to 'fuck right off'.
Brown Gets Green-Light To Murder Enemies
PRIME Minister Gordon Brown will today begin a cull of his personal and political enemies after being given the go-ahead by the Crown Prosecution Service.
Cannabis Users Face Grooviness Test
FROM next April all potential users of cannabis will have to sit a government-approved grooviness test.
All BBC Output Now Deliberate Lies, Says Director General
EVERYTHING broadcast across the BBC network is a deliberate and malicious falsehood, director general Mark Thompson confirmed last night.
Gap Widens Between The Rich And The Incredibly Rich
The gap between the rich and the really incredibly rich is wider than ever, according to new research.