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UK Economy Grows By Fifteen Pence
BRITAIN emerged from recession today as the economy grew by 15p.
Chimp To Direct Sherlock Holmes Sequel
AN EIGHT-year old chimp named Boko will direct the follow-up to Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes after his debut was rated as more coherent than Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels.
All Bad Things Caused By Vhs Copy Of 'Ghoulies', Says Cameron
A BAN on poor-quality horror films from the 1980s will stop all the bad things from happening, Tory leader David Cameron has claimed.
Latent Homosexuality Drops To 36%
JUST over one third of the UK population is still claiming that same sex relationships are wrong while secretly dreaming of hot gay action, according to new research.
Guest Blog: Jonathan Ross
'TELL me, how many times did you knock one out over Princess Margaret?' is the question I'd have put to Prince Philip if he'd ever been allowed to come on my show...
Shoppers Stuck With Taste Of Morrisons
A MONTH after Christmas, thousands of shoppers are still unable to remove the taste of Morrisons from their mouths, according to a new survey.
Brazil Has Better Class Of Rubbish Heap Death Squad, Says Homesick Robinho
THE ruthless death squads that roam the rubbish heaps of Manchester are not as good as the ones in Brazil, Man City striker Robinho said last night.
Cowell Keen To Defile Alien Civilisations
FREAK-wrangler Simon Cowell last night said he was 'thrilled at the prospect' of defiling newly discovered alien civilisations.