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Ferguson In Furious Row With Own Reflection
SIR ALEX Ferguson has ordered all the mirrors to be removed from Old Trafford following a blazing row with his own reflection.
Scotland Wakes Up Covered In Piss Again
SCOTLAND has woken up on the sofa, drenched in its own urine for the fifth time since Boxing Day.
Tories Pledge Tax Breaks For Musical Families
A TORY government would use the tax and benefits system to reward families who sing together regularly or perform amusing skits.
Software Security Firms Develop Fantastic Excuse
SOFTWARE security firms have come up with a brilliant excuse for why you spend £400 a month on high-grade Belgian filth.
BBC Should Make More Good Programmes And Less Bad Ones, Says Think Tank
THE future of the BBC should be based on a culture of making good programmes instead of rubbish ones, according to a leading think tank.
Don't Suppose You've Seen Bin Laden? Asks FBI
THE FBI has issued computer generated images of what Osama Bin Laden would look like now, just in case you have seen him and not realised.
Gina Ford Looks Like Herman Goering, Says Clegg
NICK Clegg has renewed his attack on Gina Ford, claiming the popular baby mechanic looks like fat Nazi Herman Goering.