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"This Time I Want My Own Drawer," Kate Tells Wills
KATE Middleton will rekindle her relationship with Prince William if she gets her own underpants drawer at Clarence House, the Daily Mash has learned.
Only 75% Think Blair Is A Fecking Twunt, According To Daily Mash Poll
TONY Blair was thrilled last night after only 75% of Daily Mash readers said he would be remembered as a "fecking twunt".
Blair To Hand Over Soul At 3pm Today
TONY Blair will today bring to a close his ten-year term as Prime Minister by delivering his Soul to the Devil and all his minions.
Pete Doherty Accuses Bassey Of "Joint Bogarting"
DAME Shirley Bassey may have been a big hit with the Glastonbury crowd but she proved much less popular backstage after refusing to share her drugs with her fellow artistes, The Daily Mash can reveal.
Wimbledon To Ban Fisting
OFFICIALS at Wimbledon are to outlaw the practice of 'fisting' during matches in a move to clean up the increasingly offensive world of international tennis.
Bush Gives Blair Lead Role In Jug Band
TONY Blair and George Bush are set to invade the music charts after forming a hillbilly jug band.
Rosa Klebb Wins Labour Deputy Contest
SMERSH assassin Rosa Klebb is the new deputy leader of the Labour Party after a closely fought contest in which she killed all of her rivals.
Old Firm Link To Spoiled Ballots
MORE than 99% of the spoiled ballots in the Holyrood election came from areas with the highest concentration of Rangers and Celtic supporters, according to new research.