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Cannabis Users Face Grooviness Test
FROM next April all potential users of cannabis will have to sit a government-approved grooviness test.
All BBC Output Now Deliberate Lies, Says Director General
EVERYTHING broadcast across the BBC network is a deliberate and malicious falsehood, director general Mark Thompson confirmed last night.
Gap Widens Between The Rich And The Incredibly Rich
The gap between the rich and the really incredibly rich is wider than ever, according to new research.
Noel Edmonds 'Should Donate Organs Immediately'
TV quiz show host Noel Edmonds should be required to donate his major organs, preferably today, according to a new opinion poll.
Cameron To Campaign For Sex With Goats
The Conservative Party will fight the next election promising to reintroduce the public strangling of traffic wardens and the legalisation of environmentally-friendly goat sex.
'C' Branded World's Most Pathetic Vitamin
VITAMIN C has been relegated from the premier league of nutritional compounds after another scathing attack on its performance.
Guest Blog: Damon Albarn
WHEN I give interviews these days, the first question I’m asked is: Are you and Noel on speaking terms? This is one of the reasons I don’t do interviews - I’m totally sick of questions about the whole 'Blur v Oasis' thing. We've all moved on. I have. But that arrogant, swaggering, sneering Northern shit clearly hasn't - as I saw for myself on a recent BBC music documentary.
Londoners 'Stink Of Eels' Says Boris Johnson
BORIS Johnson has kick-started his mayoral campaign by describing Londoners as 'ghastly, eel-breathed troglodytes'.