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Huge Rise In Skin Caused By Bad Lifestyle Choices
THE incidence of skin in Britain has soared dramatically in recent years and our hedonistic modern lifestyles are largely to blame, doctors insisted last night.
Guest Blog: Mark Kermode
Stop right there. I don’t want to hear any more of this claptrap that a movie is a film – a film is the correct term for a feature. Film is British, it’s Norman Wisdom being dragged across a garden by a dirty-great lawn mower, Christopher Lee dressed like a big Jessie in The Wicker Man and perhaps most memorably, British film is summed up best by Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson chomping on crumpets in a station buffet, resisting an almost uncontrollable urge to make the beast with two backs.
Giant Magnifying Glass Revealed As Cause Of Global Warming
SCIENTISTS have discovered a giant magnifying glass above the Earth which they think is the main cause of the global warming the planet is experiencing today.
Foot And Mouth 'Not As Much Fun As Last Time' Say Townies
CITY dwellers and townsfolk have branded the latest foot and mouth outbreak “boring” and “not as good as last time” as it looked to be fizzling out after just one week.
Cows Blame Sheep For Foot And Mouth Lab Leak
THE cows have blamed the sheep for the recent foot and mouth outbreak and accused their animal foes of turning the conflict in the countryside into a dirty war.
'24' Recycles Plots To Cut Carbon Footprint
KIEFER Sutherland's hit show ‘24’ is to be produced using plot twists and dialogue entirely recycled from previous episodes to make it into the world’s first carbon neutral television programme.
Computer Game Fan No Time To Masturbate
TOP World of Warcraft player Jason Stibbles could be forced to give up masturbation altogether after the hugely popular online game unveiled its new expansion called Wrath of the Lich King.
Crocs Link To Smugness And Idiocy
WEARING Crocs shoes will transform you from a normal adult into a horribly self-satisfied and “self-consciously whacky tosser”, leading doctors warned last night.