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Macaskill Brings Mini Poppadoms To 'Cobra' Meeting

MILLIONS of Scots slept easier in their beds last night as justice secretary Kenny MacAskill took full control of the nation's security. 

Guest Blog: Ricky Gervais

I'M sitting, right, in The Chateaux Marmont Hotel (which is only the place where late comedy genius John Belushi snuffed it!) thinking, should I call room service and have another one of those lovely smoothie drinks, or shall I ring my good friend Ben Stiller for a chat about this really mental script he personally sent over to me, yesterday?

Airport Attackers To Be Charged Under Anti-Smoking Laws

TWO men who drove a lit car into the main concourse at Glasgow Airport are to be charged under Scotland's tough anti-smoking laws.

Threat level raised to 'Underpants'

THE terrorist threat level across the UK has been raised from 'spacehopper' to 'underpants', the Home Secretary confirmed last night.

London Bomb 'Not Scary Enough', Brown Tells MI5

PRIME Minister Gordon Brown has dismissed the latest London bomb scare as "feeble" and "unlikely to frighten the public".

Queen Spending 'A Shitload' Of Money, According To New Report

SPENDING by the Royal Household has increased from a serious wedge to a shitload, according to official accounts.