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For Christ's Sake Just Sack Me, Says Darling
ALISTAIR Darling last night pleaded for his immediate dismissal, stressing he was the worst chancellor in more than 60 years.
Does Miliband Have What It Takes To Be Prime Minister For Six Weeks?
HE has thrown down a coded gauntlet to Gordon Brown, but does David Miliband really have what it takes to be prime minister for a few weeks towards the end of the year?
Labour MPs To Rally Behind Unbearable, Screeching Hag
LABOUR backbenchers are preparing to ditch Gordon Brown and place their electoral fortunes in the hands of the most God-awful cow.
Britain Absolutely Cannot Wait To See 'Mamma Mia'
BRITAIN was absolutely bursting with excitement last night at the prospect of going to see Mamma Mia this weekend.
RAF To Bomb Peterborough Back To Stone Age
PETERBOROUGH was today bracing itself for wave after wave of devastating raids by low-flying Tornado fighter-bombers.
Wheat Price Increase Foretells Great Doom
THE price of a bushel of wheat rose yet again in the markets of Flanders yesterday presaging a monstrous tribulation and a grave rise in the price of mead, the Lord High Guardian of the King's Purse has warned.
Queen's Broadcast A Self-Indulgent Mess, Say Critics
THIS year's Christmas message from the Queen has failed to impress the critics with most dismissing it as self-indulgent and boastful.
Britain's Oldest Cat 'Hates Asians'
BRITAIN'S oldest cat hates Asians and thinks the Siamese are all 'bi-sexual scroungers', it emerged last night.