the dailymash

Vegan man conflicted by urge to barbecue

A MAN who does not eat animal products is at the same time gripped with the heat-induced urge to grill something fatty and oozing with delectable juices.

We ask you: what twatty slogan have you got on your barbecue apron?

IT IS oppressively hot, so time to stand over sizzling fat on a red-hot grill while wearing a twat’s apron. But what’s the slogan on yours?

28 Years Later follows zombies at awkward reunion event

NEW film 28 Years Later follows the zombies from the original 2001 film meeting for the first time in almost three decades to discuss how they are all getting on.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on… those poor f**king Christians being persecuted with flags

WAKING with a hangover so pulsating it has disabled streaming services in the Lambeth area, leaving providers such as Netflix and Disney+ owing thousands in compensation, I reflect upon yesterday’s events. 

My plans to dim the sun not sounding so evil now, eh? says Ed Miliband

ED Miliband suspects you are all on board with his previously much-criticised sun-dimming technology now.

I can die without any nanny state assistance, thank you

THE nanny state’s latest idea? That its citizens are so helpless they need assistance even to die. Well, I can die perfectly well on my own, thank you very much.

Don't step on a faerie: A practical guide to the worst Summer Solstice hippy bollocks

IT’S the Summer Solstice tomorrow, and celebrations will include every type of mystical bollocks from the Mother Goddess to fae folk. Here’s how to take a more practical, grounded approach.

Homeworkers rush out to ice-cream van