the dailymash

Things to do on a boring plane journey, by Sam Fox

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Masterchef viewers divided over Greg Wallace copulating with food

VIEWERS are divided over the latest series of Masterchef, in which judge Greg Wallace assesses dishes after having sexual intercourse with them.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... the NHS is trying to kill us, so we'd better pay shitloads to go private, am I right?

WAKING up with a hangover that feels like rhinoceri are vigorously mating within my cranium, I reflect on the events of the past couple of days. 

The five and only five emails people send in office jobs

OFFICE jobs look complicated from the outside, but all they really involve is sending these five emails again and again and again forever.

Hoovers, postmen and oddly-shaped rocks: The terrible dangers I protect you from by barking, by your dog

IT’S a scary world out there for you humans. Luckily I’m always there to protect you with my terrifying barking abilities. Here are the threats I keep at bay every single day.

Seven ways the inevitable OJ Simpson TV drama will be terrible

THERE is not a cat in hell’s chance that the death of OJ Simpson won’t result in a rubbish TV drama. And if recent efforts like Netflix’s Scoop are anything to go by, this is what it will be like.

Tributes to OJ Simpson don't flood in