the dailymash

Your astrological week ahead for July 5th, with Psychic Bob

Reassuring to know Noel Edmonds is in New Zealand, as far away from a British TV studio as it is physically possible to be.

Oasis reunion marred by fratricide

OASIS’S first reunion gig has been praised by fans as the greatest concert they have ever attended, spoiled only by a minor fratricide late on.

We ask you: are you ready to see Ozzy Osbourne bite the head off a live bat one last time?

FAMED oral decapitator of chiroptera Ozzy Osbourne performs for the final time in Birmingham today. What are you hoping he will do?

Oasis fan in lager explosion

Just tell me how much you want, says Reeves

RACHEL Reeves has asked Britain exactly how much money each of them wants to stop it.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on… has Rod Stewart turned into your bigoted gran?

WAKING up with a hangover so intense I see everything in a lurid shade of green for several hours until it abates, I reflect on another milestone in the history of the Church of England. 

Woman on Instagram really milking wedding photos from three years ago

A WOMAN is wringing every possible like out of her wedding photos by still posting them to Instagram three years after the fact.

'Play one off your two good albums!': Helpful things to shout at tonight's Oasis gig

ATTENDING an Oasis reunion gig? So stupefied by the magnitude of the occasion that you don’t know what to shout? Try these.