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Why hawking whiskey sold by criminals is the only path to salvation for the West, by Liz Truss

THE world order trembles on the edge of collapse. Only principled politicians attending whiskey launches by convicted criminals at Scunthorpe FC can save it.

Billie Piper already dad's favourite Doctor Who

BEAUTIFUL blonde Billie Piper has immediately become a dad’s most beloved incarnation of the Doctor, he has confirmed.

'Cool' teacher actually fully grown adult seeking approval of 15-year-olds

A TEACHER recognised by his pupils as ‘cool’ is actually a 28-year-old man desperate to be popular with children, it has emerged.

Who twatted Elon? A Daily Mash investigation

ELON Musk, at his final White House briefing alongside Trump this weekend, has been properly lamped one. The sad prick claimed his five-year-old did it. Who’s actually responsible?

Your astrological week ahead for May 31st, with Psychic Bob

You left your office job, and as a parting gift they gave you the full-sized freestanding fourth floor colour photocopier.

Making boyfriend better person 'not difficult'

A BRIDE whose new husband reflected in his wedding speech ‘she has made him a better person’ has admitted that it was not much of a job.

We ask you: How much Bitcoin will you be giving Reform UK?

NIGEL Farage has announced that Reform UK is now accepting bitcoin in an attempt to grab the youth weed dealer vote. How much will you be donating?