the dailymash

'It's not you, it's Coldplay': Things that were probably said during Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson's break-up

BREAK-UPS are always difficult, and upsetting things can be said. Celebrities like Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson are no different, so here are some of the comments they might have made.

World impressed Trump didn't ban any uninhabited islands this time

Shops open at midnight as gamers rush to buy Mario Kart for ninth f**king time

Come with me as I move to a council estate in Luton, by Ncuti Gatwa

SO that's it, babes. My time as the Doctor is done. I'm packing up my sonic screwdriver and getting the hell out of there while the going is good, babes.

'He threatened to put me in a wicker man': Men and women's worst Tinder stories compared

TINDER is different for the sexes. Men are secretly hoping a date will end in a shag, women are secretly hoping he’s joking about his Andor action figure collection. Here are the worst stories compared.

Free school meals stigma to be extended into adulthood

THE disgrace of having received free school meals is to be extended until the age of 35 by making recipients wear badges.

Our nudes fine, your dick pics disgusting, women explain

WOMEN have pointed out that photos of their naked bodies are acceptable whereas images of male genitalia remain grimly unwelcome.

'We couldn't get chips': The ways cruel foreigners ruin decent Britons' holidays

IT’S that time of year when Britons go on a cheap package holiday, have a miserable time and moan about it to the Sun. Here’s what foreigners are forcing them to complain about.