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Scotland Relegated To Africa
SCOTLAND is to be compared to African countries for the next four years after another dismal display against its European counterparts.
SNP To Reverse Highland Clearances
THOUSANDS of Canadians will be forced to move to Scotland under SNP plans to reverse the Highland Clearances.
Reid Launches Terrorist Photocard Scheme
ALL terrorists operating in Britain will need to be licensed and registered before they can commit their psychotic outrages, the Government announced yesterday.
Commonwealth Games mascot is shit-faced octopus
HE encapsulates modern Glasgow and extends a warm Scottish welcome to the world: He's Mungo the Shit-Faced Octopus.
Government To Tackle Binge-W*nking
THE legal age for masturbation is to be raised to 18 as part of a series of measures aimed at tackling binge-wanking among teenage boys.
Climate Change Link To Gingers
THE first clear link between ginger hair and climate change has been established by scientists at Dundee University.
'Springwatch' Badger Is Benefits Cheat
SPRINGWATCH badger Gary Degan is a dole cheat who is claiming thousands of pounds in benefits while appearing on the hit television show.