the dailymash

Your astrological week ahead for July 12th, with Psychic Bob

Ladies, why not spice up your love life by claiming you’ve been fingered by a ghost?

iPhone convinced you want to commemorate Battle of the Boyne

YOUR iPhone has, for the 15th consecutive year, reminded you that all your other appointments come second to celebrating the Battle of the Boyne.

We ask you: what event are you pairing with this weekend's alcohol?

BLAZING sun compels every Briton to indulge in alcohol at an event designed for same, whether called ‘Trudy’s wedding’ or ‘Glyndebourne’. What’s yours?

6Music always jizzing its pants about bullshit

F**k you! We're off on a term-time holiday

ONE week to go until the end of summer term and go f**k yourself, schools! We’re off on a term-time holiday!

The Archbishop of Canterbury on… RIP Jimmy Swaggart, man of God but mostly prostitutes

WAKING with a hangover so toxic that when I vomit and my dog comes scampering into my room to eat it he drops dead on the spot, I reflect on the week’s events.

France vs Rwanda: Which will stop the boats?

TWO deals with foreign countries were made to stop boats of migrants coming to our shores. But which was best? We compare and contrast the two. 

How to get that middle-aged, two-pints-from-violence Oasis fan look: A guide for the young

SEEING Oasis live this weekend? Get the appropriate ‘pissed-up gobshite who’s mad for a fight’ look with this straightforward guide.