the dailymash

Woman who loses three fingers in accident just glad she has something to tell her hairdresser

A WOMAN who has suffered a life-changing injury is consoled that her upcoming visit to the hairdresser will have fewer awkward silences.

Your astrological week ahead for May 4th, with Psychic Bob

Fair play to 2Pac, he's pretty popular for a dead lad.

Festival offers selection of acts you would not pay to see individually

THIS spring and summer’s festivals are offering attendees the opportunity to see a collection of bands they may not be huge fans of but offer decent value in aggregate.

We ask you: should cafes ban laptops and their overpaid scum users?

A CANTERBURY cafe has banned laptops and claims it has helped build a community. Should others do the same?

China launches probe into prog rock's popularity

Sunak pins hopes on new pandemic

THE prime minister plans to recover from today’s election results by launching a new pandemic and furloughing everyone.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... what sort of dick would pay £1,600 for a pint with Sting?

WAKING up with a hangover that, if it escaped from my skull, would probably melt through the earth to Australia like a nuclear incident, I look back on my campaign to establish a controversial new saint’s day.

What employers want to see on your LinkedIn profile: A guide for Conservative MPs

ARE you a Conservative MP worried about job security? Learn how to stand out from millions of other jobseekers desperate for work with this guide.