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Blair Hires Scary Clown To Stalk Brown
TONY Blair has appointed a sinister clown to stalk Gordon Brown for the next two years in a bid to drive the Prime Minister "even further round the bend".
Market tumble sparks debt rise share plunge sell-off fears
SHARES in London closed down a million yesterday as squeezing credits in the sub-debt crunch market oozed in an oily mess on the floor.
Senior Police Cock Had Sex On Duty
A SENIOR penis in the British Transport Police is facing shame and ruin after being found guilty of having sex on duty and against the will of the officer it was attached to at the time.
Guest Blog: Gillian Mckeith
On my multi award-nominated Channel 4 show, You Are What You Eat, I might appear to some as an unqualified, cold-hearted old busy-body. But answer me one question: why would someone as popular, educated and talented as myself go to such extreme lengths when it comes to treating my patients?
Princess Diana 'Better Than Jesus' Says Archbishop
CHRISTIANS in England are to start worshiping Princess Diana instead of Jesus with a new prayer written by the Archbishop of Canterbury and exclusively revealed on the Daily Mash today.
Fat Kids To Be Chased To School By Dogs
CARS are to be banned from the school run and children chased to their classes by angry dogs under new Government plans to eliminate childhood obesity by 2010.
Scotland To Buy Second Hand Car With Own Money
FIRST minister Alex Salmond will today announce that Scotland is to get a part-time job and save up enough money to buy a car.
Pensioner Completes Motorway Middle Lane Marathon
ELDERLY driver David Jackers yesterday stayed in the middle lane of the motorway for all of his 400 mile journey from Bristol to Glasgow in what police are calling the most "half-arsed" motoring they have ever seen.