the dailymash

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... that's more than enough Liz f**king Truss, thanks

WAKING up on a bed of empty rum bottles, my head thudding as if a small, angry, right-wing man were trapped inside it, I sip a gallon of water to restore my faculties. 

'Brilliant, it's a two-hour 31-song double break-up album,' say men with heads in hands

MEN around the world have been plunged into despair after discovering the length and contents of Taylor Swift’s latest album.

Power to hand out sick notes to be given to specially appointed bastards

THE government is to take the issuing of sick notes from GPs and hand it to a panel of specially selected sadistic bastards.

Seven crimes Angela Rayner could have committed in this ordinary kitchen: A Daily Mail investigation

THIS kitchen – similar to one owned by Angela Rayner – may look harmless, but could easily have been used for a host of serious crimes. Forensic kitchen investigator Martin Bishop gives his verdict.

Meghan Markle's jam 'extruded from strange orifice in her neck'

All camel's eyes and sheep's bollocks: The gammon food critic goes Moroccan

I'VE never had much time for the Arabs. Wasting their time racing camels, living in tents in terrorist training camps in the desert and dicking around with magic lamps.

Being in a band, and other things that cease to be cool in your 30s

CERTAIN things are the height of cool when you’re in your teens and 20s. But once you hit 30, they quickly become deeply, deeply tragic. Including these.

Can you guess the Tory MP by their blackmail sex scandal? A fun game for families

EVERYONE loves Conservative MPs and their propensity to stumble into hilarious sex outrages. Gather the family around and match the backbencher to their scandal!