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How to write a celebrity lingerie article for the Daily Mail: A tutorial
AS the shining light of British journalism, the Daily Mail leads the way in stories depicting celebrities modelling underwear. How do they achieve excellence time after time?
Post Office blames postmasters for counterfeit stamps, bad weather and the decline of the Arctic Monkeys
THE Post Office has announced that counterfeit stamps, heavy rain and the Arctic Monkeys’ recent loungecore albums are all postmasters’ fault.
Pervert GP prescribes sex to couple trying for baby
A TAXPAYER-funded GP has made the depraved suggestion that a couple trying to conceive a child should have frequent sexual intercourse.
Gammon would still shag Team GB flag if it was up for it
A PATRIOT outraged by the Team GB flag would still give it one if it gave him the eye, he had admitted.
Scottish police to look like dicks either way
SCOTTISH police have confirmed they will look like big fascist knobs if they arrest JK Rowling and limp little willys if they do not.
Do your in-laws secretly think you're a twat?
THEY were pleasant enough to your face this weekend, but do they mean it? Or did they start doing mocking impressions of you the moment the door closed?
Badgers still unable to cross a f**king road
BADGERS remain utterly incapable of crossing roads while avoiding oncoming traffic, anyone who drove through a rural area over the weekend has confirmed.
- 'The females don their cock deely-boppers for the ritual to commence': Sir David Attenborough narrates a hen party
- 'Pre-loved' sounds like someone's f**ked it, agrees everyone
- Your astrological week ahead for March 30th, with Psychic Bob
- Atheists unable to explain how evolution could make egg-laying bunny
- We ask you: when should Rishi Sunak get his arse kicked at a general election?