Search Results for: property
Your Astrological Week Ahead
WITH PSYCHIC BOB
Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
You are feeling a surge of excitement about your career, and plenty of hope for the coming year. Ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha.
Britain Chooses Newest Retail Park Opener
ALEXANDRA Burke will this morning begin a glamorous new life of cover versions, Heat magazine stories about her fat eyelids and being offered £250 to open the Macclesfield Glen retail and leisure park.
Banks told to stop being so obsessed with money
THE government last night urged mortgage lenders to relax and stop thinking about money all the time.
Shares In You Plunge 82 Per Cent
SHARES in you plunged 82 per cent yesterday leaving you vulnerable to a takeover from some dirty Spanish bastard.
Lehman Execs To Lead Slightly Less Opulent Lifestyles
EXECUTIVES at Lehman Brothers could be forced to manually adjust the seating temperature in their Mercedes, it was claimed last night.
Everyone To Fuck-Up Their House
HOUSES across Britain will be fucked beyond repair this weekend as millions embark on their own horrendously ill-condsidered DIY extension.
Your Problems Solved
BY PETULA SOUL
Britain's most insightful agony aunt.
Dear Petula,
It is now approaching five days since I last had my hoggins. Up until now I have not really been tempted to indulge in a meaningless bunk-up or a one night stand as I am told that sex is so much better with somebody you are close too and have known for years. However, after four days of celibacy I’m really starting to feel open to all the options, and my husband will not be back from his golf holiday for another two nights. What do you advise? I’d love to wait for somebody I care for to come along, or failing that my husband. But I am desperate to get my butter churned. Any tips?
Gagging,
Gloucester
Buy-To-Let Investors Age 1,000 Years In Four Seconds
THOUSANDS of buy-to-let investors are ageing 1,000 years in around four seconds after receiving the latest valuations of their rented properties.