the dailymash

Charm of child on Zoom call rapidly dissipating

THE novelty of a toddler interrupting a professional Zoom call is waning fast, all participants confirmed.

Dad ready to unleash summer of lawnsplaining hell

THE arrival of summer has primed a father to condescendingly share his exhaustive lawn care knowledge with his ignorant family.

A wife's guide to meeting the unique needs of Laurence Fox

LUCKY and soon-to-be blissfully happy Elizabeth Barker has married Laurence Fox, but such a unique individual as her husband requires unique treatment. She should follow this marital advice:

Queen memorial to include Prince Phillip off to one side bored shitless

Shit: football bouncing across park right towards you

AN URGENT report has confirmed that a football is bouncing across the park directly towards you and you are expected to return it.

Middle East fixed, proclaims Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has announced that after a single intervention by the greatest leader the world has ever known, the Middle East is now fixed.

Working-class man thinks Nutribullet is sex toy

A WORKING-class man dating a middle-class woman has admitted being shocked and aroused by how openly she discusses her Nutribullet use. 

Writing 'Gareth is a bender' in the toilets: the terrorist acts you committed as a child, according to Labour

VANDALISM is now terrorism, according to the government’s rulings on Palestine Action, and you’re guilty. These are the atrocities you committed aged 12.