the dailymash

The five and only five emails people send in office jobs

OFFICE jobs look complicated from the outside, but all they really involve is sending these five emails again and again and again forever.

Hoovers, postmen and oddly-shaped rocks: The terrible dangers I protect you from by barking, by your dog

IT’S a scary world out there for you humans. Luckily I’m always there to protect you with my terrifying barking abilities. Here are the threats I keep at bay every single day.

Seven ways the inevitable OJ Simpson TV drama will be terrible

THERE is not a cat in hell’s chance that the death of OJ Simpson won’t result in a rubbish TV drama. And if recent efforts like Netflix’s Scoop are anything to go by, this is what it will be like.

Tributes to OJ Simpson don't flood in

A white home counties roadman endures wasteman careers week

WAGWAN? Active J is bare misunderstood, bruv. Man has been hexplainin’ all week to wasteman careers muppets, man don’t need no job hadvice. Man is flexin’ swag to bein’ a gangsta rapper, innit?

The sordid details of your sex life: Things you'll deeply regret telling your mates when pissed

DRINKING sessions are a great way to connect with friends when your inhibitions are down. And also ruin your life by sharing these overly personal admissions. 

Man living in fear his mates will discover his girlfriend's TikTok

A MAN is concerned that friends will find his girlfriend’s TikTok account containing lip-sync videos, unfunny reels, and dances she is unaware teenage boys are wanking to.

'Juliet is white in the film': The racist moron's guide to Shakespeare

A NEW production of Romeo and Juliet featuring a black actress as Juliet has attracted racist abuse. Here bigot Roy Hobbs explains why the Bard wasn’t woke.