the dailymash

Wimbledon too hot to enjoy, hopefully

This week in Mash History: 'Catherine Howard looketh hot as f**k washing that carriage,' says King, 1540

HOT weather makes Britons behave unusually, and so it was when 17-year-old Catherine Howard stripped out of her lady-in-waiting outfit to wash a gun carriage.

Five things you can't reasonably be expected to do in this heat

TODAY is set to be one of the hottest June days on record. Consequently nobody can realistically task you with any of these...

BBC, Glastonbury, and Starmer all must go after anti-IDF chant

THE British Broadcasting Corporation, Glastonbury Festival and Keir Starmer’s government must all be permanently dissolved because of what a punk band said.

Knowing basics of astrology getting man so much minge

A MAN who has bothered to learn the basics about astrology could get laid every night of the week, he has confessed.

Kneecap to sue bastards who nicked their thing

KNEECAP have announced they are taking legal action against punk band Bob Vylan for stealing anti-Israel publicity that was rightfully theirs.

How to prove you have the train door button situation well under control

THE train is into the station. You’re closest to the door button. But you sense the other passengers’ doubt. Can he handle this? Will he crack up?

Your astrological week ahead for June 28th, with Psychic Bob

If you listen to Dark Side of the Moon at the same time as you watch The Wizard of Oz, you’re f**king muntered.