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Insurance Companies Pretending To Be Chinese Restaurants
BRITAIN'S biggest insurance companies are pretending to be Chinese restaurants to avoid flood damage claims, the Daily Mash has learned.
Guest Blog: Gordon Ramsay
Fuck that for a game of soldiers, was what I initially said when first asked to write a 'Guest Blog'. These things are for speccy twats who spend too much time with their hands wrapped around their tiny cocks as they gaze at internet porn. And then I was told that there'd be a decent-size fee and a chance to talk about some of my exciting new projects, so here you fucking well go.
Blair Sells Peerages To Hamas
TONY Blair has made his first move as Middle East envoy by offering seats in the House of Lords to some of Palestine's most radical elements.
UK Flood Defences 'Sabotaged By Ducks'
BRITAIN'S flood defences have been undermined by a decade long conspiracy involving some of the country's most influential ducks, the Daily Mash has learned.
Ditch Cameron For Oddball Fascist, Say Tory Rebels
SENIOR Tory MPs are calling for David Cameron to be replaced with another vote-losing weirdo from the party's extreme right wing.
Childline Tells Potter Fans To F*ck Off
CHILDLINE, the charity for abused children, will tell distraught Harry Potter fans, upset at the ending of the final book, to 'fuck right off'.
Brown Gets Green-Light To Murder Enemies
PRIME Minister Gordon Brown will today begin a cull of his personal and political enemies after being given the go-ahead by the Crown Prosecution Service.