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Livingtv Fans 'Already Dead' Say Docs
THE definition of the moment of death is to be redrawn to include anyone watching the cable television channel LivingTV, doctors announced last night.
People who know how to f**king park on brink of extinction
DRIVERS who can position their car in the middle of a parking space at a supermarket are sliding closer to extinction, conservationists have warned.
Fat People Squashing NHS Equipment
THE NHS is in imminent danger of collapse because skilled staff and vital equipment are being squashed flat by obese people, a new report warns.
Facebook Distracting Workers From Underpaid, Soul-Destroying Tedium, Says CBI
SOCIAL networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace are distracting office workers from the hellish, brain-curdling reality that is their shabby, predictable and ultimately meaningless lives, according to a new report from the Confederation of British Industry.
TUC Raises Threat Of Winter In Majorca
HARD-pressed public sector workers have threatened to spend the winter at their apartments in Santa Ponsa unless the government improves its offer on pay and conditions.
BBC2 Unveils Plans For 'Nigella Lawson Eats A Banana'
TV food fans were celebrating last night after the BBC confirmed plans for a new series of Nigella Lawson Eats a Banana.
High School Musical Stars To Have Nipples Removed
THE teenage stars of the High School Musical phenomenon are to have their nipples removed with lasers, Disney announced last night.
One Woman's Week: Portrait Of The Artist
By Karen Fenessey
IT’S a sad day that sees artists with real integrity beaten down by loud-mouth sensationalists. This week, I have found myself in the same boat as the prominent female art lover, Tracey Emin, who has always struggled against the thousands of Philippines who want her silenced. And I have been seriously reconsidering whether I want to keep working at my school, if it means having to tolerate these imbeciles.