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John Lydon A Fat, Greedy Old C*nt, Says Johnny Rotten

FORMER Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten has launched a scathing attack on Discovery Channel presenter John Lydon describing, him as "a washed-out, cynical old bastard who was only ever interested in the money".

Millions Suffer From Carol Vorderman Intolerance

MILLIONS of people in the UK have a genuine intolerance for Carol Vorderman, new research suggests.

Madonna Meets Peres To Discuss The Steady Erosion Of Her Sanity

THE Queen of Pop has given her backing to Israeli President Shimon Peres, as well as showing him her latest impression of a tree.

Die At Your Desks, Demands CBI

PEOPLE should be happy to die at their desks rather than take time off to see the doctor during office hours, the Confederation of British Industry said last night. 

Darling To Guarantee All Bets On The 3.50 At Lingfield

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has agreed to cover all bets at this afternoon's EBF Maiden Stakes and is tipping the Irish two year-old, General Ting.

France Warns Of War With Iran Not Involving France

THE rest of the world could soon be embroiled in a war with Iran, the French foreign minister has warned.

Opal Fruits Count Towards Five-A-Day, Confirm Experts

DIETARY experts have moved to end confusion over healthy eating by confirming that a packet of Opal Fruits does count towards the five-a-day target.

Northern Rock Hands Out Staff To Customers

NORTHERN Rock customers were queuing around the block today after the stricken bank said they could take home a receptionist if they left their money in their accounts.