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Edmonds' Wife Questioned Over Absence Of Mercy Killing

NOEL Edmonds' wife was being questioned by police last night over why she has failed to smother him in his sleep.

Men Reveal Pain At Cheryl's Lack Of Promiscuity

CHERYL Cole's refusal to indulge in graphic sexual misdemeanours is causing 'deep and lasting pain' to Britain's men, it emerged yesterday.

UK Businessman Wanted Over Death Of Billionaire Megalomaniac

A BRITISH businessman has been named as the prime suspect in the death of a billionaire intent on taking over the world.

Iran Full Of Nutters, Says Clinton

HILLARY Clinton opened a new chapter in the West's diplomatic relations with Iran yesterday by describing the country as 600,000 square miles of sand-infested whackjobs.

Taliban To Be Wooed With Property Makeovers

NATO's latest Afghan strategy aims to wean the Taliban off Islamic fundamentalism and onto obsessing about their living rooms.

Poor People Having Brilliant Sex, Say Experts

POOR people are having hours of glorious, acrobatic sex, unencumbered by the nuisance of condoms, it emerged last night.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
The sudden breakdown of a long-term relationship can be a challenging time but it has been nearly five days. So shut up.