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Help Me Win Election, Brown Asks Terrified Iraqis
GORDON Brown has flown into Baghdad to enlist the terrified Iraqi population in his bid for re-election.
Chocolate 'Stops Lazy People From Lying'
A LARGE bar of milk chocolate stops lazy people from telling lies about how exhasuted they are, new research suggests.
Alonso May Be Forced To Earn £20 Million Somewhere Else
MCLAREN racing driver Fernando Alonso was last night coming to terms with the harsh reality that he may be forced to earn £20 million a year somewhere else.
Just Tell Me How Much You Want, Says Osborne
THE Conservative Party is to unveil a new tax strategy based on asking voters exactly how much it's going to take.
Vatican To Build Huge Telescope In Hunt For Jesus
THE Pope has commissioned a $1bn super-telescope as the Vatican steps up its hunt for Jesus.
Lorry Driver Celebrates First Anniversary Of Overtaking Manoeuvre
LORRY driver Dennis Jackers was last night celebrating the first anniversary of starting to overtake fellow trucker Bob Mellows and the creation of a tailback described by the UN as a “crime against humanity”.
Guest Blog: Quentin Tarantino
I read an article in Time magazine about a year ago and apparently, okay, and this is no fucking bullshit - it's a fact that all women, and when I say all women - I'm talking Madonna, the woman who works in the 7/11 down the road, every woman who ever appeared in a Russ Meyer movie, those women you see carrying big jugs of water on their heads in Africa - okay, so you get the picture, we're talking all women okay - would rather listen to Johnny Cash Live at San Quentin than have oral sex with their husband. Fact.