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Giant Magnifying Glass Revealed As Cause Of Global Warming
SCIENTISTS have discovered a giant magnifying glass above the Earth which they think is the main cause of the global warming the planet is experiencing today.
Foot And Mouth 'Not As Much Fun As Last Time' Say Townies
CITY dwellers and townsfolk have branded the latest foot and mouth outbreak “boring” and “not as good as last time” as it looked to be fizzling out after just one week.
Cows Blame Sheep For Foot And Mouth Lab Leak
THE cows have blamed the sheep for the recent foot and mouth outbreak and accused their animal foes of turning the conflict in the countryside into a dirty war.
'24' Recycles Plots To Cut Carbon Footprint
KIEFER Sutherland's hit show ‘24’ is to be produced using plot twists and dialogue entirely recycled from previous episodes to make it into the world’s first carbon neutral television programme.
Computer Game Fan No Time To Masturbate
TOP World of Warcraft player Jason Stibbles could be forced to give up masturbation altogether after the hugely popular online game unveiled its new expansion called Wrath of the Lich King.
Crocs Link To Smugness And Idiocy
WEARING Crocs shoes will transform you from a normal adult into a horribly self-satisfied and “self-consciously whacky tosser”, leading doctors warned last night.
One Woman's Week: God Is With Me
By Karen Fenessey
I don’t know if it’s like this all over the country, but summer seems to be a total disappointment this year. I, for one, believe that this is all down to emissions from greenhouse gases and I make a point of ramming this home to my class of planet-killing P2s, who spend more time leaking out radioactive rays on their silly X-boxes than lowering the damage left all over the world by their grubby carbon fingerprints.
US Government Loses 200,000 Iraqis In Iraq
THE US Army has mislaid 200,000 Iraqi civilians in the last four years but thinks most of them have probably just gone on holiday for a "bit of a break".