the dailymash

Search Results for: guardian

Six reasons, as if you needed them, not to swim in Britain's seas

TEMPTED by the gleaming blue-ish waters of the British seaside on this sunny day? Remind yourself of what a bad idea that is before you plunge in.

Let's move to the home of prisons, witch trials and commuters! This week: Chelmsford

Described by Charles Dickens in 1835 as ‘the dullest and most stupid place on earth’, Chelmsford hasn’t changed much.

Zelda-playing teenager builds Hyrule's most monumental dick

A ZELDA-PLAYING 16-year-old has constructed a wood-and-stone fire-ejaculating penis that is the most impressive in all Hyrule.

Get your Suella Braverman White Person Guilt Exemption card here

SUELLA Braverman, by the powers granted her as a non-white Conservative, has granted you as a white person exemption from guilt. Collect your card here.

How to spot a former Tory voter who'd prefer someone more fascist

MANY people won’t be voting Conservative again today. You agree with their decision, until it emerges that they're only annoyed with the Tories for not being right-wing enough. Here are the warning signs.

Lidos set for another summer of gentrification

OUTDOOR swimming pools are wearily preparing for yet another summer of being overwhelmed by the experience-seeking middle-classes.

Out-of-character things your boyfriend does when he's after a shag

IS your boyfriend behaving in an insultingly ingratiating way, like a salesman for something regrettable? He wants sex. Watch for these signs.

Mr Frosty: The Motion Picture, and five other films based on crap British toys

WITH the Barbie movie out soon and a Tetris adaptation on the telly it’s time Britain dug some of its own old toys out of the loft. Here are six blockbusters we’ll be making.