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Pensioner Completes Motorway Middle Lane Marathon
ELDERLY driver David Jackers yesterday stayed in the middle lane of the motorway for all of his 400 mile journey from Bristol to Glasgow in what police are calling the most "half-arsed" motoring they have ever seen.
World Share Prices To Go Up And Down
WORLD stock markets will move up and down a lot this week triggering a new ice age and a plague of painful boils on the arse of every homeowner.
Heathrow Protestors Hold Barbecue For Climate Change
CLIMATE change campaigners are to hold a week-long ‘barbecue for a cooler world’ at their Heathrow protest camp to highlight the dangers of global warming.
Net Scammers Let Down By Rubbish Grammar Says DTI
INTERNET fraudsters are missing out on huge riches because their email language skills are “so shit” they can only con the most gullible of punters, according to a damning Government report.
Huge Rise In Skin Caused By Bad Lifestyle Choices
THE incidence of skin in Britain has soared dramatically in recent years and our hedonistic modern lifestyles are largely to blame, doctors insisted last night.
Guest Blog: Mark Kermode
Stop right there. I don’t want to hear any more of this claptrap that a movie is a film – a film is the correct term for a feature. Film is British, it’s Norman Wisdom being dragged across a garden by a dirty-great lawn mower, Christopher Lee dressed like a big Jessie in The Wicker Man and perhaps most memorably, British film is summed up best by Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson chomping on crumpets in a station buffet, resisting an almost uncontrollable urge to make the beast with two backs.
Giant Magnifying Glass Revealed As Cause Of Global Warming
SCIENTISTS have discovered a giant magnifying glass above the Earth which they think is the main cause of the global warming the planet is experiencing today.
Foot And Mouth 'Not As Much Fun As Last Time' Say Townies
CITY dwellers and townsfolk have branded the latest foot and mouth outbreak “boring” and “not as good as last time” as it looked to be fizzling out after just one week.