the dailymash

Search Results for: property

How to buy your first house in your 20s, by a twat with rich parents

GETTING on the property ladder as a young millennial is all about managing your budget, saving scrupulously and being given a £85,000 deposit. Here’s my tips:

The gammon's guide to 'cultural vandalism'

LIVID because woke millennials have pointed out your favourite National Trust property has links to slavery? Here’s how to rebrand your fury as opposition to ‘cultural vandalism’.

Undertaking driver in rush to get to f**knut convention

A DRIVER who undertook multiple cars on the motorway was in a hurry to get to a convention full of other f**knuts, it has emerged.

How to be a pathetic, terrified Little Englander

DO you lead a comfortable suburban life in the UK, but fear and hate the outside world for no good reason? Here’s how to enjoy pretending to be oppressed.

The most annoying bastards you'll meet on holiday

STILL going abroad on holiday? Good luck avoiding infection, good luck in quarantine and good luck avoiding other irritating tourists like these...

Landlord disgusted to discover you've been eating, sleeping and shitting in his investment

A LANDLORD has been horrified to learn that his tenants have made themselves at home in his investment property to the point of shitting in it.

The suited-and-booted wanker's guide to getting a job

TIMES are tough, but coronavirus needn’t stop you finding a job. Here recruitment consultant and professional bullshitter Josh Hudson explains how to succeed.

Your guide to the government's horrible, overpriced new-build homes

BORIS Johnson has promised to ‘build build build’ more affordable homes, which are bound to be tiny new flats you still can’t afford. Here’s what property developers have in mind.