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Internet To Shut For Half-Day On Wednesdays
THE internet is to start closing for a half day on Wednesday afternoons to give it time to sit down and have a nice cup of tea, it announced yesterday.
Scots Demand Huge Increase In Global Warming
A MAJORITY of Scots are backing a total reliance on fossil fuels in a bid to deliver up to three months of t-shirt weather every year.
Iran To Perform Salman Rushdie Knighthood
IRAN last night offered to perform Sir Salman Rushdie's forthcoming knighthood ceremony saying recent television footage suggested the Queen was no longer "up to the job".
Caravan Club Celebrates One Millionth Traffic Jam
THE Caravan Club yesterday celebrated causing its one millionth traffic jam of this year’s holiday season, beating its own previous record by a full two weeks.
'Flash! Flash! I Love You! But We've Only Got 14 Hours To Save Dobbies From Tom Hunter!'
DOBBIES the garden centre was in mortal danger last night after the launch of a hostile takeover by Emperor Tom Hunter of the Planet Mongo.
'Stop Being Ill', Demand Doctors
DOCTORS have better things to do than treat ill people, according to a new report from the British Medical Association.
More Young Professionals Forced To Live In Balloons
WITH house prices now more than 400 times the average salary, more and more young people are being forced to live in hot air ballons, according to new research.