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Google Launch Own-Brand Sausage

GOOGLE is to launch its own brand of sausages after it emerged that the most frequently asked question by internet users is "what sausage shall I eat today?"

One Woman's Week: Taking A Stand

By Karen Fenessey

I am thoroughly disgusted with the utter filth who bring children into this world and then send them to school to be educated by decent people like me.

Iran Signs Four-Year Deal With Disney

IRAN has abandoned theocracy and signed a four year deal with Disney after two hours of talks with the US Government yesterday. 

Absolutely Everything Can Kill You, Warns Department Of Health

EVERYTHING will carry a government warning label, under plans to prevent anything from happening, the Department of Health has announced.

Queen Sets Attack Dogs On 'Ghastly Salmond Fellow'

ALEX Salmond was forced to flee for his life yesterday after the Queen set a pair of dogs on him at the end of their first official audience.

Keith Richards Delighted To Discover He Is In 'Pirates Of The Caribbean'

ROLLING Stone Keith Richards last night said he was "amazed and delighted" to discover he was in the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie after attending its star-studded premiere in Hollywood. 

She's No Virgin, Say Friends Of 'Miracle' Shark

MIRACLE shark Lorraine Chelsy is a 'skanky liar' who claimed she had a virgin birth to stop her mum going mad at her for getting pregnant, say her friends. 

It's War!!! Overwhelming Support For Salmond's Dutch Assault

SCOTLAND is a nation of demented, blood-thirsty warmongers, straining to mount a full-scale assault on Holland, according to a Daily Mash readers' poll.