A COUPLE have agreed to utterly write off Saturday and Sunday by grudgingly deciding to spend them with one set of their ageing parents.
A CYCLIST believes he is the envy of drivers who cannot stop looking at him after seeing the long snake of traffic that has formed behind his bicycle.
IF you've been on a break outside the UK, you may now have to take a second, enforced holiday inside your own house. Here's how to make sure it's just as good as two weeks in Benidorm.
ARE you a gammon who has been invited to a vegan dinner party and are going to have to endure your first meat-free meal since you accidentally went to a hippy’s house in 1979? Here’s how to survive.
STAYCATIONERS are sending pathetic little postcards to family from places like Weston-super-Mare with pitiable pictures of Britain on the front
A COUPLE have confirmed they have been together long enough to begin hating each other a bit.
THERE can be no going back to the complacent pre-Covid culture that produced Ed Sheeran, experts have confirmed.
A WOMAN with clashing tan lines after wearing different tops all week is evening up her skin with strategically-placed gaffer tape.
IF you got bad estimated A-level grades because house prices are low in your postcode or whatever, you’re going through clearing. But first heed the words of these alumni.
TEACHERS have reminded the government that they are all in France, will need to quarantine for 14 days and school starting in September is completely f**ked.
IT’S well known that Dungeons and Dragons is incredibly attractive to women. Here tabletop gaming enthusiast Tom Booker explains the appeal and how to cope with all the sex.
AN A-level student who chose not to take any course except General Studies is confident he has a bright future.
THE public has been reminded they should never leave goths alone in a car on a hot day because it can be fatal.
A WOMAN who used her immense savings to purchase a house is now under the impression that she is living in poverty.
THE unusually hot weather is providing your parents with many exciting new ways to pester you. Here is some of their worst nonsense.
TODAY’S A-level results have been calculated using factors such as whether students’ parents own a big house, shop at Waitrose and have lots of books.
A STUDENT who bothered to revise for his mock exams is feeling unbearably pleased with himself as he waits to find out his A-level results.
EDUCATION secretary Gavin Williamson has reminded the nation that all he got was a BSc from the University of Bradford and look at him now.
AS A-level results come out, you may be tempted to reminisce about your own teenage years. Here’s how to pretend you weren’t a terminally awkward nerd.
HI, Rishi fans. Everyone agrees I’m great but it looks like those pesky hard times have arrived. Sad face. Here’s how to make ends meet in the ongoing financial shitstorm.