A 30 YEAR-OLD woman is about to learn a harsh lesson after failing to undo her hair bun for four days.
‘Why I will not be satisfied until Harry and Meghan’s security has been cancelled and they are kidnapped by Isis’
HARRY and Meghan’s withdrawal from the Royal family has hurt me, a member of the media, personally. And I will not rest until they have no security and have been kidnapped by Isis.
PRODUCERS of the James Bond franchise have confirmed that there will never be a ginger Bond for as long as they have any say in the matter.
AN idiot has convinced himself that life will be difficult for the Duke of Sussex from this point on.
GAY penguins are fantastic, but before you leave your spouse for the comfort of one of these Antarctic sex-symbols, why not take our quiz to see if you’re making the right decision.
A WOMAN who left her reusable flask at home has been coming in late from work with brown lips and stinking of pumpkin spiced latte.
A BMW driver is pretty confident that traffic that pulled over to let an ambulance pass also wanted his progress to be unimpeded.
BIG Ben may not be bonging, but that’s no reason not to celebrate leaving the world’s largest trading bloc on January 31st.
SCIENTISTS have announced the discovery of a fourth takeaway option that is neither Chinese, Indian and pizza.
NOW KFC, Greggs and Burger King all sell plant-based products, vegans are at risk of not being as special. Here’s how to stay strong.
A COUPLE have chosen to move in together before taking the next step of breaking up.
A WOMAN who has packed 37 different choices of top for an overnight stay in a hotel has added one more, just in case.
SANDI Toksvig has denied that her departure from The Great British Bake Off was anything to do with ‘that preening w*nkshaft Paul Hollywood’.
IT’S tax time again and that means you’re probably tempted to put in some dodgy expenses. Here's a handy guide to what you can claim, probably.
ARE you determined to waste your life following the problems of two very rich people you don’t know? You might be one of the following idiots.
DO you treat your body like a beautiful temple or stuff it full of questionable meat and grease? See where you fall on the scale.
A WIFE has discovered she can insult her husband in front of the children by maintaining a smile and whispering it.
HOWEVER hard you’ve tried as a father you’re still nowhere near as great as Thomas Markle, the official world’s greatest dad. Here’s how to be like him.
BRITAIN’S wine connoisseurs have admitted that the best wine to choose is whatever is on offer at the supermarkets.
BIG BEN bonging for Brexit is the worst charitable cause since a druggie with a stolen charity tin rattled it around the local, but the cretins who support it live among us.