A WOMAN who has spent her adult life pretending that champagne is marvellous and special has finally admitted it tastes like farty urine.
A POSTER for a ‘much-loved’ missing cat has omitted its nine-year reign of terror over the rest of the street.
THE supreme court has decided that it will hear expert legal advice from the Mail Online comments section in today’s prorogation hearing.
CRITICS have hit out at Luxembourg for humiliating our prime minister when its population is only six times the number of people who elected him.
A BAG for life is largely being used to hold all the other bags that do not get taken to the supermarket, its owner has confirmed.
THE average office worker is hit by a sugar slump at least six times a day, not including lunch or the commute, research has found.
Arlene Foster is DOCTOR DOOM Like Doom, Foster’s face is covered by an emotionless metal mask and she rules her little-understood nation with an iron hand and sorcery. Will betray anyone who makes a deal with her.
EVERYONE likes to throw a sickie but how can you do it without getting caught? Let's take a look...
DAVID Cameron’s memoir has left the nation reeling with the revelation that Boris Johnson and Michael Gove are a pair of twats.
A WOMAN'S life is still a lot of crap despite affirmations and visualisation, it has been confirmed.
REVIEWERS of David Cameron’s new memoir For The Record have confirmed that its index has no entry for the word ‘pig’.
A 31-YEAR-OLD man is about to try and fail to use his friend’s puzzling shower system, it has been confirmed.
A WOMAN with no understanding of mental disorders has taken to describing anyone different to her as being ‘on the spectrum’.
CRUCIAL information about a train’s running status has been delivered over a speaker that nobody can hear or understand.
BORIS Johnson's hulk metaphor has been welcomed by Brexit supporters who are not stupid and knew exactly what they were voting for.
FINALLY wrangled yourself some time alone? Follow our handy guide to wasting it and then feeling like right f*cking idiot afterwards.
A MAN has grown a twirly handlebar moustache to rule himself out of the gene pool.
FORMER prime minister David Cameron sleeps in a crypt which contains no reflective surfaces or timepieces.
THE Carry On series of films has been exposed as sexist, homophobic, racially insensitive and frankly outdated in every way.
THE Operation Yellowhammer no-deal contingency plan will affect Britons differently according to their referendum vote. Here’s how.