ARE you hopelessly besotted with TV historian Lucy Worsley? It’s never going to work out, so here is a guide to coping and maybe one day moving on.
THE art of the self-deprecating show-off is a subtle one. Here’s how to become pro-level at inspiring envy while remaining humble.
CAREER flagging? Why not get yourself in the headlines by being cancelled, like I did?
A PENNY-PINCHING bastard of a mate is looking forward to pubs reopening so he can collect on that pint you owe him from 2020.
BREXIT has happened and is good and bloody hard, so are hardcore Brexiters happy? Of course not. Leaver Roy Hobbs explains what he’s rabidly obsessing over now.
THE UK is looking forward to a marvellous summer of bitter arguments in car parks near tourism hotspots.
BRITAIN’S highly responsible and scientifically literate newspapers had the best interests of the people in mind even 700 years ago. Here’s how they reacted to the Black Death.
DISNEY has warned viewers of Muppet Show episodes they contain ‘negative depictions of people or cultures’. But what should they really be warning us about?
THE decision to open pubs earlier than gyms is because all the fitness dickheads needed a time out, SAGE has confirmed.
THE prime minister has informed Britain that now the virus is beaten, the country must draw a line under any further scrutiny of his actions.
DAFT Punk are splitting up and you’re meant to be sad, because they’re seminal because music writers love them. But do you?
LOCAL councils are changing outdated and offensive street names. But what names would the good old British public really like? Here are some suggestions.
AS the prime minister is set to unveil the roadmap out of lockdown, the British public just wants to know when they can resume shooting game birds with guns.
THE media has demanded that the Duke of Sussex be moved from sixth in line to the throne to 110,001th, behind the Duke of Walford.
Schools, families meeting outdoors, cheering crowds celebrating Brexit: the roadmap out of lockdown, step-by-step
THE government is set to announce its roadmap out of lockdown later today. Here’s a step-by-step guide to regaining your freedom.
DID your favourite film star Kevin Spacey, and are you now swiftly changing that to something that requires fewer excuses? Don’t pick any of these.
BORED during lockdown? Run out of stuff to online shop for? Try these five easy ways to lose money from the comfort of your sofa.
THE half-term ‘holiday’ has ‘finished’ and children are going ‘back to school’, their dead-eyed parents have confirmed.
There are some types of twat who appear on every panel game, discussion programme or reality show going. Here are five offenders you'll definitely recognise.
EVERY area of both a child and the house he lives in has been found to be covered in Nutella, his parents have confirmed.