A WOMAN'S partner keeps starting conversations in front of the television believing he is more appealing than what she has chosen to watch.
FEELING starved of human contact more than usual? Looking to score now the pubs are reopening? It’s still not safe to pull so extend your dry spell with these COVID-themed chat-up lines.
CLEVER middle class people are going to the pub this weekend instead, having dodged both the common folk and the rush.
AFTER the angry reaction to litter in our nation’s parks and on its beaches, you might be looking for new ways to ruin Britain’s beauty spots. Here are some suggestions.
A MAN is not quite close enough to hold the door open for, it has been confirmed.
GOING on a theoretically relaxing week away but you’re actually so scared of touching any surfaces it’s going to be a nightmare? Here’s how to fake it.
A FAMILY of posh twats has roped off two square miles of a public park to have a fancy picnic.
A YOUNG man is convinced that everything in modern life is a bogus conspiracy except professional wrestling.
A MAN hated by all his colleagues has returned to work with 14 weeks of f**king annoying behaviour stored up.
ARE you a Tory voter who can’t accept any criticism of the government no matter how poorly they perform? Here’s how to share your denialism.
THE chancellor of the exchequer has been handing out freebies left, right and centre. But what are you bloody furious about because he’s not given you money off?
ENGLAND is considering selling off its most valuable possession to help pay for the impending economic crisis, it has emerged.
THE government has given the all-clear for enclosed spaces in which people grunt, thrash around and spray body fluids to open again this month.
AS Britain attempts to get back to normal, thankfully there are still things COVID-19 can get you out of. Here’s how to wring the last benefits out of the crisis.
A COUPLE about to spend half a million pounds on a house say life would be impossible without their gift of £15,000 from Rishi Sunak.
BACK in April, everyone and his wife opined about how lockdown would change Britain forever according to their tastes. But it was bollocks. Here are some examples.
IN the chancellor’s giveaway bonanza, Britons can eat out in August with the government footing the bill. There are, however, certain conditions in the small print.
A BOYFRIEND who appeared to be perfect in every way enjoys watching A Question of Sport, it has emerged.
ARE you worried that your relationship is abnormally weird and chaotic? Take our test and find out if you need to split up immediately.
THE Duke of Sussex says he wore a swastika armband to help acknowledge and move on from the problems of the past.